2004: The Happiest Day in My Life

January 8, 2009 at 2:49 pm · Filed under 2004, essay/ personal narrative, reflection

November 2
It was the seventh of May 2004 when I experienced the happiest day of my 16 years. Although maybe you won’t think it is happy once I told you. However, I don’t care what you think. What I care most is that I am able to share this experience of mine because I don’t like to keep it to myself.

I attended the Summer House Training, a.k.a. SHOUT, last May three to nine. We lived in one house in St. Michael Homes in Novaliches for the span of one week doing the chores ourselves, listening to the talks and workshops given to us. We also had activities outside with the SHOUT brothers such as the Amazing Race on Wednesday, Gawad Kalinga (GK) day on Friday, Lord’s Day on Saturday, and the Mass and Praisefest on Sunday. Among these activities, the GK day was the most special of them all.

Our group was in-charge of the housekeeping, so we had to be the last one to go out of the house and make sure that the rooms were clean and orderly. We rented a jeepney to transport all of us to the site. We had a ration of a 300ml-bottle of water, which they said should last for the whole day, but it turned out to be for only up until before lunch.

When we reached the place, its like from the artificial, I stepped in the real world. Just like other places, the unfortunate is near the fortunate ones. I saw their houses made of plywood and galvanized iron sheet or most commonly known as yero. Their roofs were being held into place by old tires and hollow blocks. We were yet to arrive in the site itself. I later learned that that area is still under negotiation.

We were oriented about Gawad Kalinga Brookside. How it started, who started it, who were the donors, etc. I was in awe with their joint efforts. I realized that the unity of everyone would bring out the impossible. Moreover, I was walking and looking around their chapel amazed by its structure. It was so extraordinary. The pieces of furniture, including the altar, the chairs, the chandelier, and the candleholder, were made of the natural form of wood. You could see the branches of the tree formed artistically. The wall was made of tree branches that were aligned perfectly. I could feel the aura of nature. I could also feel, in every step I made in the floor carved with huge leaves and railroad track woods, the joy of the people who acted as one in building such magnificent structure. I later learned that a popular Japanese designer who is renowned worldwide designed the chapel, for free!

Our group was divided into two. I was included in the group who was tasked to flatten the road for the concrete tiles. From the start, I knew it would be difficult, especially under the blazing rays of the afternoon sun, but never did I complain about it. I wanted to be part of the change that will happen in the lives of the families living there. In this way, I thought I could help shape the society I’m living in.

It was a tough job, all right, because we have to transfer soil to the other side, also removing the stones and broken hollow blocks. It was so dusty, especially when they run the machine that would flatten the soil. It’s like having brown fog. At first, it seemed impossible for there was this big lump of soil in my area and it did take time to remove it. We had to break it into pieces, then shovel it, and put the soil in a pail for transferring. The brothers did the shoveling while we, the sisters, relayed the pail to the spot where we’ll dump it. We wanted to have fun and try new stuff that’s why we tried to rake and shovel the soil into the pail. There was less work and more laughter so the brothers took both materials from us.

We resumed after lunch, this time all of us were working on the same road. It became more systematized. The brothers did the shoveling while the sisters lined up for the relay of the pails full of soil and rocks. It was wonderful. The spirit of teamwork possessed everyone. We did not mind the scourging hot sun, our vinegar-like smell, our drenching shirts, and most especially our sore red hands. Nobody complained, no one was forced to do what he or she was doing. We all did it wholeheartedly, just to finish their dream community.

In the process, my friend Aida, YFC club president of Philippine Science High School, and I were singing baby shark, an action song. We were singing and dancing while we relay the soil and rocks. It so happened that there were two children named Willprime, 8, and Steven, 10, talking about animé, specifically, Flame of Recca, in front of us. I butt into their conversation and asked their names. At first they were shy but as time went by, they were singing and dancing baby shark with me. Their laughter melted my heart, especially Steven for he is not an ordinary ten-year-old child. He has a hump on his back and he only stands about more than three feet tall. His voice is like an elf’s, so little yet so high pitched. I could see hope in their little ways, teaching the song to their other playmates. They were very happy children, so innocent, amidst the noise and the dirt, and the chaos that is outside their little community.

Joana, a teenager of that community, showed us around. We roamed around the whole site and greeted the mothers that we passed by a happy day. It was a perfect community where all families and every individual were living in harmony. If only the whole world will be like that community, no children would be seen crying.

At present, Gawad Kalinga has more than 270 communities all over the world. In October 2, 2003, it envisioned GK 777, which stands for Gawad Kalinga building 700,000 homes in 7,000 communities, in 7 years. It continues to give hope and lift up the dignity of these poor people which was taken away by their racist neighbors. Several peoples are pulling their resources just to help. Like me, they want to help shape our society. I believe that, like me, they experience extraordinary joy every time they see these people smiling and laughing their hearts out. Just like me, the day they became a part of those people’s lives is the happiest day of their life.

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2004: My Twin Friend

January 8, 2009 at 2:49 pm · Filed under 2004, essay/ personal narrative, reflection

November 2

Have you ever felt something that whatever you do, you just can’t explain what it is? It’s not loneliness, nor happiness.

A very good friend of mine (actually, she’s like my twin sister) told me that she often feels that way. I always feel guilty whenever she tells me that. I can do nothing but listen to her. I feel that I should say something to her. Some words of advice from a friend, unfortunately, I figured out that I can’t think of something to say.

My friend always tells me all the things that happened to her life. She never missed a thing. I know her deepest secrets–secrets only she and I know. She would talk to me whenever there is an opportunity, or if there’s none, she would write me a letter telling all. She would let me read her poems. Mind you, she already won in an inter-school writing competition, so she’s quite good–especially when she’s in the mood.

Sometimes, when I read her poems, I feel bothered because some of them are really negative. You would think that’s she’s so desperate. There are also times that I would wonder whether I really know her or not. She acts so strange sometimes. One moment she would be hyperactive then after just a short time, I could see her staring somewhere in the infinite universe as if she’s thinking of something so deep and important that distracting her is a mistake.

Actually, I can’t blame it on her. Since our childhood, she’s been a loner at school. She would go with anyone and stay with them for a while. Several times, she would consider a group her “barkada” but she would soon find out that she doesn’t belong there. The reason? She feels “out of place.” That’s what she tells me. She can’t relate to what they’re talking about. At home, she’s always left alone. Her mother works, her sister’s studying and would come home early in the evening. Same with her brother. Her father doesn’t live with them because they’re separated. She spent most of her early childhood–that is before she entered grade two (that was the time when her parents separated)–in her grandmother’s place, father’s side. She had no one to play with so instead, she just watched TV, eat junk foods and chocolates and other foods offered to her by her cousins–who were at that time were in college. She was often teased by her male cousins, and especially her brother. In short, she was an “asar talo.”

At first, she wasn’t affected of her parents’ separation. Of course, she was just a seven-year old kid at that time. No one told her the details, she never asked. It wasn’t until she was in grade five that she learned the reason. Again, she was never told any of this, and she never asked about it. But how did she become aware of it? Simple. She accidentally read the essay that was made by her sister, who was in first year college then, which contained the information. Again she wasn’t affected. Some of her elementary friends even asked her if she wasn’t affected of what happened. She would simply say “no” and continue with her life.

It wasn’t until later while she was in second year high school that she acknowledged that there is a problem. It was the time that she realized everything.

That’s why I really wanted to help her. I want to help her grow. As in grow emotionally, psychologically, socially, and most important of all, spiritually. Psychologically because she has several inhibitions. I want to help her get rid of those inhibitions so she can surmount most of her fears. However, spiritual growth is what she really needs. There was a point in her life that she doubted Him, but she really regretted that day. In fact, one of the factors (and the only factor that’s been untouched for seven years) that makes her confused is religion. Yes, it’s true that she’s a baptized Catholic and she graduated elementary from a Catholic School, but there has been a conflict since she was in the third grade. She just failed to acknowledge it. That’s why it remained there buried in her heart. Now, when she finally recognized this and asked questions, she became more and more confused. That’s where this unexplained feeling arrives. It conquers her, and when not acted upon immediately, it could poison her whole being.

Maybe all of us already experienced the unexplained so I still believe in her that she can overcome all this. For a short period of time, she dumped herself into the mud. Now, she’s slowly coming out of the thick puddle of mud and when that happens, we can finally be one.

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2004: Heroes

January 8, 2009 at 2:48 pm · Filed under 2004, essay/ personal narrative, reflection

October 3
*this was originally written for my column in Sacre Coeur, but my adviser rejected it.
Today, several people think that noble works does not exist anymore, especially in this world of chaos and turmoil. However, this kind of thinking is the one thing that puts our country down. They don’t realize that while they put our nation deeper into the mud, there are people who continuously pull up what others put down. So it is safe to say that they are the modern-day heroes.

These heroes that I’m talking about are the people who still care for the poor, not only financially, but also as a being. They pull all their resources high up just to fulfill their mission in the society. Most of them have done this through Gawad Kalinga (GK).

GK envisions building 700,000 homes in 7,000 communities in 7 years, thus calling the program GK777. This vision does not simply end here in the Philippines. The work continues spreading all over the world.
October 2, Saturday, was the day when GK777 celebrated its first anniversary. An expo, which lasted for two days starting October 1, and a concert, on the night of Saturday, was held to celebrate its success, at the same time raise funds for more houses, for more homes. As Martin Nievera said in the concert, “GK is not about building houses. It’s all about building homes.”

I consider myself so blessed to witness the 10,000 plus people who gathered in the Fort to support the program. It is just so wonderful because not only individuals support this festive event, but also huge corporations like Smart.

How do I know all about these? Because I myself have experienced the amazing joy brought about in supporting GK777. I can say to myself that I helped build the road of the residents of that community, the road where the children will play on, the road where the mothers will fetch their children before dark, the road where the fathers will walk on their way home after they have gone for work. Now, comparing what I have done and what other people have done, what I did was just a small thing, a good start of upbringing social justice in myself. On the other hand, those volunteers, no matter how young or how old they are, who respond to their calling through GK, are so much committed to their service that they offer their whole life in this kind of work.

Soon, if everyone of us unite in helping the lost find their way, in helping the orphan find a home, then this world would be a better place to live in. Indeed, everyone who makes GK777 and other similar programs possible is doing an act of nobility. They are the heroes of our modern world.

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2004: God’s Blessings

January 8, 2009 at 2:47 pm · Filed under 2004, essay/ personal narrative, reflection

“Exams! Exams are just hours away. The moment I close my eyes, on the next time I opened them, I would be getting ready for school. But no! I’ll wake up at three and study for tomorrow’s exam. I can’t study now. I’m so sleepy. I need rest from the long days and short nights the past weeks. My eye bags are so big that it covers my whole face. I don’t know if I will be able to pass this quarter’s examinations because I wasn’t around when things are discussed. Good thing I already asked for guidance from God and so whatever the result will be, I know it is included in His own perfect plan.”

That was my dilemma before the exams. I prayed real hard to give me His blessings in this exam because I really wanted to do my best this quarter. I want to give all I have. But it turned out to be the opposite.

On Monday morning, I was frustrated because the alarm didn’t go off to wake me up at three, meaning I wasn’t able to review my subjects. The only thing I was able to accomplish was browse through my notes and cram to put facts in my brain. I knew then that it would not suffice me. I could not give my all with that. It was not my plan. But I have to cope up with events.

My frustration grew after the first set of exams. I wasn’t able to finish the essay portion of English and Christian Living and a whole type of test in Social Studies. I really wanted to cry but something was holding back my tears. Without an outlet, the gloomy feeling remained inside me. It seemed that I lost all outlets that even crying failed me. But that’s only the beginning.

I had no major problems during the second day of examination. However, on the third day came my most difficult obstacle. It was my Math exam. I really didn’t expect that kind of test. I was surprised when I saw it, knowing that I wasn’t ready for that kind of an exam. My feelings became heavier and even heavier when I wasn’t able to finish that exam. Time was, I mean, is really my enemy, especially on exams with essay or computations. That exam sabotaged my day for I cannot concentrate in reviewing my other tests. I just hate it. I was really affected by what happened because I know I could have done better but I didn’t do it. It just felt so bad.

That’s just half of it. I felt bad, real bad, because I feel that last Sunday, I really prayed hard for God’s help and guidance. I prayed and promised I’ll do all I can for the tests. But then, I wasn’t able to do my part. I felt ashamed of myself that I had a difficulty in presenting myself to Him. Throughout the day, I was bothered both emotionally and mentally. All I could think of was that I prayed to Him but I wasn’t able to do my part. I was so devastated.

I busied myself with things that don’t need thinking, but as I do that, I couldn’t help thinking of that same thing. I couldn’t turn to our Savior because there’s this feeling of guilt that borders me from Him. So I turned to my mentor for help. That mentor took a long time before replying so I turned to another one. I said sorry to him for not finishing the test, for trying to quit in the student prefect circle, for everything. I also asked for help. He replied immediately and lifted my spirit. He said that I should not be too hard on myself and remain steadfast. But the most uplifting message that he told me was this: “God’s understanding is not for us to determine.” It is true. Nobody human can understand God’s plans and He Himself because He is the Almighty. I almost cried when I read that if I wasn’t outdoors. I had that perfect moment because as I received that message, I was about to go inside a church to attend a wedding. There, I tried to pray just as he said I should. I tried, but I failed. I still had that guilt haunting me.

My first mentor replied early in the evening. It still wasn’t late because I still feel almost the same. I still haven’t found the outlet I was looking for. In the contrary, her words gave me inner calmness. My heart became at peace, unfortunately, my mind continued to be shattered. She told me, “God designs what we go through; we decide how we go through it. In anything and everything, the best plan begins and ends with God.” Truly, God designed every page of our life even before we were born but as we enter this world, we are given the free will to choose whether we will live up His will or not. She also said that sometimes, even “dreadful things” emerge as ways how we can glorify Him. This would take shape later on.

Thursday morning came and my mind is still in the same state as the day before. My patience was short and I had a high temper. I can’t do anything right. Then my teacher added the pressure. He told me that I might fail in Math and asked me what the problem was. I couldn’t answer him because at that moment, I thought I would go insane. My mind raced with so many things and I lost touch of reality. Once again, I wished to cry but I can’t find that outlet. It seems that I can’t find any outlet. I was still embarrassed and can’t turn to Him. He was my only hope, and He will always be.

The day went by with me like that. I can’t help on thinking about my math test. I can’t help thinking about what my teacher told me earlier that day. I even went to the stairs going to the unfinished fourth floor to think and talk to God. I really chose that place so I can be alone and ponder about things. I asked Him to show me the light for I cannot see in the darkness. And indeed, He showed me the light when I got down, I stumbled upon the same teacher who told me I might fail and he told me, “Karla, I know you are mentally bothered, but it’s not worth it.” That was the light. He told me that worrying would do me no good. Indeed it won’t because if you trust God, you don’t have to worry about anything because He has a plan and that plan is for our best.

I went for the light. Then Ms. Morallo, my Math teacher, called me and showed me my test paper. She told me that I should stop worrying because I passed her exam and even got the highest score at sixty-eight over a hundred. It took a long time before it sank in my body. I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe that I made it to the top, even if I just filled the blank spaces, especially in the multiple choice. I owe it all to God. After it sank, I felt so good because I have proven a thing that my first mentor told me, “…God is just. He gives us what we deserve and even surprises us with things that we don’t expect we’ll get.” I could not help myself laugh and give thanks to our God Almighty. I can’t stop praising His Holy Name. It is true that God’s blessing may come as a surprise and how much we receive depends on how much our hearts can believe.

I can’t help but think what if I hadn’t prayed to Him? I could not see myself passing if I hadn’t asked for His help and guidance. He never lets go of people who believe and serve Him. Even though I failed to prepare, I didn’t fail my exams, although regret is always there for not being able to do my best. This thing served as a great lesson for me. With this, I fully understood what my first mentor had been trying to tell me that faith should never be based on shifting sand like our emotions because like love, which is a decision, faith is a conviction. We must always remember that Jesus Christ will never forsake us even if there are times in our life that we turn our backs on Him. He will save every soul that wants to be saved. Now, I made a conviction that in everything that I do, I would make sure that His Holy Name be glorified.

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