A Quest

understanding reconstructions in life

2004: Essay for High 5ive

December 4

Ever since I became a Youth for Christ club member, I never imagined that I would be doing what I’m doing right now. My motive then was to find myself, to develop myself, and to understand myself. My intention was purely for myself. I later realized that I was selfish. Who could blame me? I never really knew what being a YFC were all about.

In my eagerness to know myself better, I accepted the invitation of Ate Tin, then our moderator. I accepted her invitation of going with her in different meetings and gatherings like the moderator’s forum, the Kasangga Assembly at Marymount, and the 4th YFC-High School Based Conference. Through these activities, my perspectives changed. Instead of myself, I developed compassion towards my neighbors. The Purpose Driven Life also helped. I decided that my change should not start with myself, but with God. Little by little, I could sense the transforming power of God working in me. The Youngblood conference played a big role in that transformation. During the awarding ceremonies, I was awarded the Most Inspiring Delegate. Ate Tin and Ate Tsh were hugging me while they were jumping. I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t know how that happened. the question “how was I able to inspire people?” floated in my mind.

After my Youth Camp a week after the conference, I vowed to offer everything that I do to God. I wanted to do my best in all my endeavors. I became more enlightened through the assemblies and gatherings of my sector, Central B. I attended as much assemblies as I could. I enjoyed the company of these YFCs whom I knew have a greater faith than I have, whom I knew knows God a lot better than I do.
I continued serving Him through my own little ways. I maintained my grades. My relationship with my family became better. My attitude towards my problems changed. Having a personal relationship with our God and being a YFC at the same time has really done a great job in myself and the people around me as well. Someone even got inspired of me and called me her angel. I never expected my Araling Panlipunan teacher would call me her angel. She said that whenever she could not control my classmates’ behavior, she would look at me and she would get the strength that she needed. She even told me that if ever she would be trapped in an island, she wanted to be trapped with me. I was, of course, overwhelmed. I never expected to make a difference in the life of someone I look up to. I, then, just thanked God in making me His instrument I making even the slightest change in my teacher’s life.
Three months of being a YFC, the core group in our school was formed. I became the VP for Internal Affairs. I didn’t exactly know what my tasks are, even if I was oriented about it. I didn’t know how to function. The school year would end soon anyway. This core group was formed to function for the next school year, this school year.

When I accepted the call for a higher service, from being a member to an officer, I encountered a lot of struggles. Most of the time, I struggled with myself. I was asked to attend the SHOUT. At most times during that training, I asked myself if I was really qualified to be there. I became insecure because I was not a president, nor an HPV. I felt too young to be there. I feared rejection. What Ate MK told us about the very first night took time before it sank in my system. She said that God does not call the qualified, that he gualifies those He called. When it finally sank in my soul, I realized that I was accepted in the house, that I was one of them.

I continue with what I was doing, I dedicated everything that I do for the greater glory of our God. I had more struggles and I was thankful that God gave me the strength to endure all pains that I had. However, sometimes when God calls me, I can’t help but wonder why me? Even if I already responded to the call, I can’t help it. One good example was when I was assigned to be the secretariat representative for my sector. I was shocked and excited at the same time. I never expected this one to come. All was okay until one time, an innocent question instilled doubt in me. Another YFC wondered aloud and asked me, “bakit ikaw?” Then I found out I was the only HS student in the Secretariat Team, and also for the whole service team for the 5th YFC High School Conference. Again, my insecurities during the SHOUT came back. I felt too young, not only by age, but also by years in YFC. I asked God to help me remove the doubts. I learned in one of the youth camps I served that when I begin to doubt myself, I also doubt God. I don’t want to doubt Him again. This, I promised to myself months ago when He found me and embraced me with His love. I thanked Him that He did not let it consume me. My focus came back.

Being one year, one week, and five days old YFC that I am, I can say that I have grown a lot, not only psychologically and emotionally, but most especially spiritually. I have came to know what being a YFC is all about. It is all about dedicating myself in fulfilling the task assigned to me by God. Answering His every call is part of it. Sharing the blessings He has bestowed upon me to my brothers and sisters is also a part of it. Trusting Him that He will lead me to the light even out from the dark is as important as loving my enemies. Each one of these shows what being a YFC is about. No, wait! They are not just about being a YFC. They are about being a human, created by God, making a difference in the world, no matter how young, or old we are.

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