A Quest

understanding reconstructions in life


October 20, 2008

You are my Lord, my God
You’re full of mercy, You give me grace
You’re the source of my joy everlasting
The source of my peace and my strength

But why this disbelief?
Why this little faith?
Why do I try to hide from You?
Why do I run away?

I cannot understand why.

I try to put You away,
To place You in the background,
Making all sorts of excuses,
Just not to meet You.

But it gets me all so messed up
I’m like an extravagant bag
That contains a stinking crap.
How can I bear this? I cannot do it by myself.

I am ashamed
Too full of guilt to even show my face
How can I get back on track
With this disbelief?

It is funny though,
How I cannot completely run away from You
That in simple things
I catch myself uttering Your Name.

But then,
I run,
I hide,
By silencing myself.

I can’t continue living this way
I don’t want to rot all over
But its so hard for when I say “save me,”
I ignore all Your efforts.

You know what’s deep inside me,
Don’t listen to my outside
Let my inside, my core, prevail
Help me trust You, help me become faithful.

I am this messed up
That I cannot bring myself to You
I am this messed up
That I hide what’s really me
I am this messed up
That I am lost because of my hiding

I want to be fixed
Search for me
Bring me back
To where I truly belong.


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