A Quest

understanding reconstructions in life

2003: Personal Profile

February 10

“Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only in acceptance that there is recovery.” This line from Harry Potter by Professor Albus Dumbledore helps me a lot. Whenever a new problem arises, I’ll just mention this line in my mind and I’ll feel better.

If you’ll look at Pandora’s boy, it is just like any ordinary box., but there is a mystery that surrounds it. Inside, there are several things that it hid. Pandora opened it because of curiosity. I can compare myself to Pandora’s box. I look like an ordinary box. An ordinary box that when you look at it, you’ll never know what’s inside. Like Pandora’s box, I hide so many things inside me, especially my emotions. When people look at my outside, it seems like that I have no problems. Sometimes just seriously reading, or laughing with friends. I’m even like a crazy girl laughing without anything funny. Though my outside is happy, my inside is always bleeding. I’m suffering with the facts of the events in my life.

I couldn’t find a specific person that I can compare myself to. whoever that person might be, she would be someone mysterious. A person who keeps her emotions just to herself and crying all alone. A loner person that even how much friends she have, she still prefer to keep her problems to herself. I’m always like that. I prefer to weep alone. Even though I have friends to tell my problems at home, since all my problems are problems of the family, I really like to think about it on my own, all alone.

Mysterious, that’s how my friends describe me. I haven’t known a single person who really know s me by heart. Not even my mom. I don’t think she really knows me, since I feel that I’m going far from her. my friends are saying that I’m like a book that haven’t opened personal pages. Sometimes, I feel that I’m just dragging myself with them. I believe that what’s giving me that feeling is the fear that when they read some personal events of my life, they will not accept me. I always have that fear inside me.

I feel that people think of me as a boring person. Very boring that they don’t want to talk to me. also, a serious person. I feel that they don’t like me because they think I’m so serious that their way of talking to me is different. A person with no sense of humor.

That fear may have come from me. a friend of mine once said, “When you fear something, that means that you don’t understand it.” That may have been the reason why I can’t get out of the chain that clasps my hands and feet together. That is why I keep on trying to understand so I will be able to accept it and I can recover.

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