A Quest

understanding reconstructions in life

2007: Homesick

December 14, 2007

I missed my home so much. I’ve wandered away from it for quite some time now, searched for things that I thought I could see outside. But I was wrong. Everything I could see in my home. I’ve been searching for love and care outside the confines of my home, and so I found none. I did not find love – it found me when I was most at thirst.

When I wandered away from home, I did not bring so much with me. Therefore, my resources depleted almost at an instant. I tried to hold on, stand strong for quite some time, but then, when finally, I acknowledged that I have nothing, none. I couldn’t do a thing but cry – shed tears for an empty bag, shed more for an empty soul. I looked out, searched, engaged in what I used to do back home, but I was unsuccessful. It was completely different; thus, shed precious tears again, and again, and again.

I wandered too far away from home. When I was several meters away from home, I promised my home-mates that I won’t take too long, that I just have to really look for pieces of me that was scattered outside. But I broke that promise. I wandered too long and too far, thinking that by going here and there, I would find the things I was looking for.

In everything, I was wrong. Love found me at one of my weakest and least expected moments. It re-captured my heart, poured herself into my empty bag, but it wasn’t even half of my bag. She showed me the right way going back home. She invited me again to the home that I knew (know and will forever know). She assured me that whatever I thought I could find outside my home would definitely be inside. I need not look far beyond, because everything’s scattered, ready to be picked up, inside my very home.
I’m on my way back home, looking forward for the promises Love reminded me. I would, hopefully, be consistent in finding peace in my home even though arrow in the meter gauge of stress is at its maximum. As the song goes, “I’ve never been more homesick than now.”

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