This prayer rally has a different aura. I don’t know, but I am really nervous. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m going up the stage later and share in front of this many people. However, I know it’s beyond that. I believe I am this nervous because of the present situation, with what’s been happening in our community.
It only occurred to me now that there are different possible realities after the dialog on Tuesday. It is only now that I am acquainted that my “parents” are separating. It’s as if I travelled back in time when my own parents separated, only this time, I understand what’s going on, or so I thought I do. I cannot hold back my tears any longer. I need to release this pain that I am feeling, now that the possibility of separation, the possibility of a broken family. I am a product of a broken home, and I have experienced how hard it is to live in one.
I have considered this community as a family as well, a family where I can find peace, love and security. It has been a real blessing to me, allowed me to meet Jesus and have a personal relationship with Him. It is here that I started to know more about myself, to stretch beyond my limits, to give everything I have. It is here that I found my lifelong friends. It is being part of this community that I felt love, not only by the people in the community, but also by my own family. It is in my continued exposure to the works of God through this community that I began to be hopeful about my current family situation. It is here that I saw God’s hand moving inside my family, that He has a really grand plan for my family that He wants me to continually hope in Him, to continually love Him and my family, despite the abnormality.
That’s why it hurts me when I see our CFC “parents” not in good terms. Will the spell of broken relationship last long, that we, the youth should also choose between the two of them? In my family, I did not choose where I would live. It was automatic that I, together with my two siblings, live with my mom. Still the same, I experienced being a ball, being the youngest and a Dad’s girl. This makes a young child confused, hurt, and if not cared for, wrecked. Though I believe that if the young have someone to lean on to, someone he or she can depend on, like a caring older sibling, then, hope can spring forth.
I have seen how the youth prays. Truly, with the songs, the rosary, and the sharing of stories of unity, love, peace and humility, the youth is empowered. Witnessing this, goose bumps ran over my whole body, my heart melted, and tears fell down from my eyes. My tears, this time around, is not tears of pain, but of hope. Just as God wants me to be hopeful about my family, He wants me to be hopeful about our community. Broken relationships really digs a hole in our heart, but as we are emptied by that hole, I am certain that God will fill it with His love, equipping us for a far more greater pain in the future. After the whole afternoon of prayer, almost every ate I know grabs hold of me, embracing me. This non-verbal gesture assures me that all shall be well.
I am hoping, not of what I want to see, but of what God wants. It is clear that He wants me to experience this brokenness in order for Him to restore me, better than what I am before. In all these times, He calls me to be anchored in Him, and fix my gaze to the promise of heaven. I believe it is what He also wants for my second family – the whole CFC Community.